Next up....

***Note: I really wanted to post something on this topic about 2 weeks ago. It's been a process of nailing down my thoughts and then deciding why they're there. I'm glad, however, that I haven't posted it until now because I've had a chance to step back a bit and look at it differently.***

In the life of every person who relocates to a new culture, there comes a day when he or she unwittingly crosses an invisible barrier into a heretofore unknown territory. Social scientists term this new realm "culture shock."

I suppose it could be said that I've made the transition into the big "CS."

From what I can figure this has been a gradual development. Over the past month and a half or so I've occasionally had involuntary thoughts similar to these: What, exactly, am I doing here? Am I accomplishing anything? Did I really think God sent me here? How many days left until I go back to the States? The German bureaucracy is out to get me, I know it is.

I don't feel depressed. I don't feel sad. I like Bremen and I enjoy the work I'm doing. Perhaps a bit of it is homesickness, but I think I had my main battle with that at Christmas. I can't really explain the new thing. It's weird.

Perhaps a contributing factor to all of this is my language progress. A while back I wrote about my increasing ability to think in and understand German. This has been wonderful for me. It's nice to be able to know what someone just asked you, to be able to glean something from the sermons at church, and to understand instructions enough to follow them.

My new developments, though, have ushered in a new barrier to overcome: communicating fluidly. Just because I can understand a question someone has asked me does not mean I can answer it accurately. There's always a little part of me that wonders if I really do understand correctly. Even if I'm positive I understand everything, I don't have the right words to formulate what I'm thinking. As Karen says, we know just enough to be dangerous, and I think she's right. There's great potential to really screw up something when you understand the basics but don't yet grasp the details.

It's extremely frustrating not to be able (or at least feel able) to completely participate or express yourself. The most painful times are in Bible classes at church. I can understand the basics of what we're studying, but the discussions are difficult for me to follow, and when I do pick up something, I have no idea how to comment on it because I don't know how it fit into the rest of the conversation.

I learned that we would have about 2 and half weeks of "Easter vacation" from German class, and I decided that maybe I needed a vacation from more than just language learning. I discussed my thoughts with Jim and Elsa, and they agreed that a break would do me good. They even suggested that I take a trip somewhere outside of Bremen, citing the benefits of a "change of scenery."

So, last week was my "vacation week." I already had an appointment to study with Horst on Monday afternoon and had told Mimi and Rüdi that I would babysit for them that evening, so those were the only appointments I had for the week. I spent the other days getting caught up on some business around town, relaxing, and reading. Tuesday I visited Yek Len, who has been wanting me to come to her home for a while now. (Yes, she is the same woman I visited the day of the infamous bicycle incident. Suffice it to say that I now know exactly where she lives.)

Then Friday morning I took Jim and Elsa's advice and hopped on a train to Lübeck. Including a short stop in Hamburg to change trains, the trip each way was close to 2 and a half hours, so it was far enough for me to feel like I was getting out of Bremen but still close enough for me to make the trip in one day. I'm really glad that I went. It was a great day with beautiful weather (not all that common for northern Germany), and I saw lots of interesting things, including medieval architecture, a political protest, and a judo match. I'll try to post some pictures in the next day or so.

I think I really needed the time off, and the day away from Bremen was especially beneficial. Though I don't believe the battle against culture shock ever truly ends (Jim and Elsa have been here almost 35 years and they still have their moments of struggle), I'm at a more peaceful place now. I've had my initial mental and emotional skirmishes, and I'm ready to tackle the next stage.

So, as Buzz Lightyear might say if he was in my shoes: To culture shock...and hopefully beyond.